The Controlled Bear Hug

I haven't taken the MANDT training, so this might be an oversimplification, but I'll describe one facet of it that I learned. I worked in a classroom for a few years with a teacher who went through the course. One of the interesting things she told me about it was this: When you have a child who is acting out dangerously -- in other words, is putting other students at risk because of his or her actions -- you essentially give the child a bear hug from behind and don't let go, no matter what. Again, there's probably loads more to it, and someday, if I take the training, I'll tell you about it then.

But here's what was so cool about the teacher's explanation of the action: For that child, everything seems out of control, out of his or her grasp, and he or she -- perhaps without even being aware of it -- acts out to try to bring some of that control back into his or her reach -- when in reality, control gets pushed further out of reach as a result of uncontrolled actions, but the child doesn't realize it. 

And when those arms come around their flailing body parts and hold them firmly in place, keeping them rock solid and steady and unmoving... slowly the realization begins to sink in, that there is control, and it can be found in someone bigger and stronger than the child... and in someone who is trustworthy.

Essentially, that restraint is a bridge-builder to trust.

That rocked my socks this morning, because y'all, I have always been that child. Rarely have I physically been that child; I usually toe the line with rules, respect my elders, etc. etc., but inside, I freak out the moment I lose a modicum of control.

Why yes, I'm terrified of flying on a plane, because I have zero control while sitting in that seat. I am forced to trust that the pilot is having a decent day, has had his morning coffee, didn't fail his flight requirements, etc. Before I boarded the last flight I was on, I watched the pilot and his co-pilot pass through the gate before us. They smiled at the passengers, greeted a few of them, waved at a child sitting nearby with his parents... I leaned over to my husband and said, "They look happy, so we might make it through the whole flight." :)

I have these odd panicked moments when I walk beneath a power line... because I have no control over whether it snaps and electrocutes me. Or I walk into my laundry room where my water heater is and hurry through loading the washer, because the hot water heater might blow up behind me while I'm in the room. Or (for those of you who follow me on social media might have recently seen) when I try out my InstaPot for the first time, I stand waaaaay across the kitchen from it because it's gonna be loud and painful when it explodes.

Some days, I just need someone to bear hug my flailing, out-of-control emotions and remind me that there is someone trustworthy who really is in control.

Case in point: I've been undergoing some rather significant -- for lack of a better word -- why me moments over the last few weeks. Yesterday was a red-letter day in those moments, a culmination in some respects, a continuing journey in others. But the overall sense when I got out of bed that morning was panic, because there were a lot of things that had to happen exactly and precisely in a sequential order, or my line-up of dominoes would tumble if even one of those events tipped too early or too late. And every one of those dominoes was out of my control; I could do nothing about them.

Yesterday morning, during my quiet time, I read from Deuteronomy 10:14-17: "To the Lord your God belong the heavens, even the highest heavens, the earth and everything in it. Yet the Lord set His affection on your forefathers and loved them, and He chose you, their descendants above all the nations as it is today. Circumcise your hearts, therefore [in other words, cut off anything from your heart that you are not supposed to hold onto, even if it's painful], and do not be stiff-necked any longer [when I lose control, I get tense, and the back of my neck feels like it has a crowbar stuck through it], for the Lord your God is God of gods and Lord of lords, the great God, mighty and awesome, who shows no partiality and accepts no bribes."

In reading those verses, the greatness of God -- to Whom belong the heavens, even the highest heavens -- hit me. I sank into the vastness of this great God, and I felt His overwhelming presence.

Then I flipped over to Luke 11:24-26, where Jesus says: "Consider the ravens: They do not sow or reap; they have no storeroom or barns, yet God feeds them. And how much more valuable you are than birds! Who of you by worrying can add a single hour to his life? Since you cannot do this very little thing, why do you worry about the rest?"

From the great vastness of God to the tiniest, most insignificant detail... the Holy Spirit spoke to my heart: I've got you. Your circumstances are outside of you. I've got YOU.

I pictured myself "casting" my anxieties on the Lord, as I've been doing each day for a while now as circumstances have surrounded me. I've "thrown" those things out of my grasp, loosening my fingers from them and driving them away. Yesterday, as I was picturing myself doing this, I saw the circumstances piled on a chair, and even though I'd just thrown them away from me, I was trying to get them back. I wanted to hold them, to control them, manipulate them in the way I thought they should be manipulated. I needed to get hold of them.

And then in this picture, vision, whatever it was, I felt arms surround me from behind, hold me firmly back against Him, pinion my arms, and hold me still. Stiller than still. Then slowly, he turned me around into a "normal" bear hug, and I saw that my worry-items were on the chair behind Him, but He stood between me and them. He didn't let me go, and every time I tried to get past Him, He held me even more tightly. I've got you, he said, again and again, as many times as it took for me to understand.

It took me a bit to relax, but when I did, I knew I could, because He is trustworthy. Absolutely, completely, in His great faithfulness, trustworthy.

So... an hour or so after that, I was driving my youngest daughter to her elementary school,  and I said, "Hey honey, would you pray for me today? I've got a lot of things on my plate, and I just need a little extra reassurance today." She said she would.

I dropped her off and was approaching the stop sign at the bottom of the hill. There was a line of cars in front of me waiting to pull out into traffic, so I relaxed and waited my turn. In front of me was our mountain range, and above it, the cloud formations looked like another enormous mountain range, thick clouds piling one above the other so that I had to lean forward to see where the clouds stopped. I could almost believe I was looking at the Rockies, or even the Himalayas... and there was a dip right in the middle of the cloud-range where the sun pierced through like a golden scepter.

I felt so insignificant and tiny in the vast panorama. I remembered the Word: "To the Lord your God belong the heavens, even the highest heavens..." 

And as soon as those words went through my mind, a flock of black birds flew directly across the dip in the cloud range where the sun flowed through, and I said the words aloud: "Consider the ravens: God feeds them..."

From that point on, the entire day, with every last circumstance in it, even the most concerning, flowed in flawless order. Not one of those circumstances could I control. The outcomes of every single one of them was waaaay beyond my grasp, and their consequences affect my long-term ability to... well, continue on. Yet each domino in my day fell at exactly the place it needed to fall at exactly the time it needed to fall... and I didn't even lift a finger.

Every time another domino fell, I pictured myself in that bear hug with the chair behind my Savior where those circumstances were out of my reach, but absolutely in His control.

When I picked up my daughter after school, she crawled in the car, and asked: "How are you, Mommy?" 

I had been so wrapped up in making it through the day and being half-awed by how unexpectedly well everything had gone, that I just blurted, "Well, fine, thanks, and how are you?"

She said, "I prayed for you."

And then I nearly cried. So I went beyond the "fine, thanks," and told her about my real day in the arms of my Savior.

This morning as I was thinking about all of these things, I realized, once again, how much like Peter I am. How many miracles he had seen Jesus perform! How fervently he believed that Jesus was the Son of God! How great was his passion for his Lord! And yet, when he began to sink in the water, Jesus had to rescue him, and He had to say: "Oh, you of little faith, why did you doubt?"

Peter? Of little faith?? But he did doubt.

Why did I doubt? Human, sinful nature.
That's why He keeps reminding me, faithfully, every day, every day, that He's got me. He's got you.

Just relax. His arms are around me. His arms are around you.

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