Taking the Victory Stance

This is a more recent internal war I've waged, and I struggled over whether to share here, but I believe it brings a certain timeliness to this point, so I'll tell you my story.

Most of y'all know I've got several novels on the market. Those books represent a mind-blowingly huge portion of my time, attention, and energy over the course of several years, between the conception of them, the writing of them, their production, editing, value, and marketing. Off-shoots of that career included social channels, writing groups, carefully developed friendships, etc, that I had honed because of my plugging into this career path. Writing meant the world to me. It was my chosen career, and I loved it. It was a collection of my dreams coming true in many ways.

A few years ago, y'all may have heard of my pseudonym debacle. I'd begun writing a couple of series' with a co-writer, and we'd chosen a single pen-name under which to write. But we apparently did not research the name deeply enough, because a tiny publishing company in Colorado held the same name (what are the odds?). The owner reached out to us, threatened a lawsuit if we did not immediately discontinue the use of our pen-name, and before I even woke up the next morning, my co-writer had (rightfully) taken down everything associated with our joint books. 

Simultaneously, circumstances were happening in both my life and in the life of my co-writer that made continued writing impossible. There was horrific burnout on my part -- the worst I've ever experienced. I couldn't even look at a manuscript without getting angry and depressed. I'll keep the circumstances of my co-writer private, but safe to say, both of our careers as we knew them were over for all intents and purposes.

As time passed, I mentally laid out those years of my writing career on the observation deck and studied them carefully. Where had I gone wrong? Why was the Lord punishing me? I'd set aside those years for Him; I was going to serve Him by writing. And He stripped me of my gift! I was bitter, angry, and resentful. I blamed Him for what we had gone through -- the career-ending set of circumstances that kept me from my dreams.

Y'all... Hannah's circumstances speak to me here. In 1 Samuel 1:21-2:11: Hannah brought Samuel to Eli after she'd weaned him (which was likely a period of 3-4 years old -- women often nursed longer in those days, because there was no refrigeration method for milk, etc.) 

I have often placed myself in Hannah's position as I read this passage. What would I be thinking and feeling as I spend three or four years with this son whom I have so deeply wanted? What if I've asked the Lord for him, and he is quite literally a dream come true? But Hannah has made this Nazirite Vow for her son, and she intends to consecrate Him to the Lord's service, which means... when Samuel her son is weaned, she will take him to the Lord's temple in Shiloh, where he will live with Eli the priest and minister before the Lord.

How she must have dreaded that moment! How the world must have crumbled around her as she released her son and turned her back and walked away!

But look. Y'all, this gives me chills. Look at what she does. Hannah does not grudgingly give Samuel to the Lord's service. As a mom, this blows my mind. I want to serve the Lord, but Lord, can't I give something else instead? Hannah says: "My heart rejoices in the Lord, in the Lord my horn is lifted high..." (1 Samuel 2:1).

In those days, this horn would likely have referred to a ram's horn that can be fashioned into a shofar, and a shofar was used to give battle signals: Signaling retreat, signaling advance, and when a soldier lifts high the horn, signaling victory. A shofar also doubled as an anointing pitcher. It could be used for consecration.

So Hannah prophetically speaks her "magnificat" (if you look at the structure of Mary's magnificat in Luke 1:45-55, it's similar), where she rejoices that she is allowed to give this gift to the Lord.

"My heart rejoices in the Lord, in the Lord my horn is lifted high (victory!). My mouth boasts over my enemies for I delight in Your deliverance. There is no one holy like the Lord; there is no one besides You; there is no Rock like our God!" (1 Samuel 2:1-2).

And then, she gets through this whole speaking of praise where she begins with the "horn," the one that proclaims victory and consecration...

And she closes her speech with another horn. She says: "He will give strength to His king and exalt the horn of His anointed" (1 Samuel 2:10). Here, by "horn," she's prophetically referring both to David as Israel ushers in a monarchy where David is Israel's greatest king, but more so to a complete consecration and victory in Jesus when He brings His kingdom.

Victory! How am I withholding and keeping victory out of my own life, by my own hand? Hannah had an open-handed approach to this child whom she sooo desired, sooo loved, and she let Him go with rejoicing. 

I did not let my career go with an open-handed approach, a Job-like quality that says: "The Lord gave and the Lord has taken away; may the Name of the Lord be praised" (Job 1:21). And that, my friends, is a recipe for defeat. Because I begrudged the Lord, and my horn was not lifted high.

Hannah's giving of her son Samuel is perhaps one of the greatest examples of tithe that we find in Scripture. She gave her only son (up to that point), just as the widow in the Temple in Luke 21:1-4 gave her last two mites... holding nothing back.

Can we honestly say we hold nothing back? Can we honestly take inventory of the things we do for the Lord... and after examining our motives, realize that none of our motives has even a hint of selfishness? Can we lay our careers down, our dreams come true... not grudgingly, but with victory and consecration?

When tax time rolls around and we take stock of what our expenditures have been over the year, and we glance at the tithe checks, do we revel just a little in our sense of comfort and goodness? Do we smile over how much we can write off -- the rewards we get for giving?  

How many areas do we do this in? Do we get up in the mornings to praise and worship the Lord... and leave a little disgruntled sometimes, because "I just didn't feel it today."?

When we say: "It's all about You, Lord," do we really mean it? Or are we really meaning, "It's mostly about You, Lord."?

Hannah held nothing back, either by physical circumstance or by her attitude.

And look what the Lord does with an open-handed approach like that! "Then Elkanah went home to Ramah, but the boy ministered before the Lord under Eli the priest." 

A child ministered before the Lord under Eli the priest. 

An honored and respected minister of the Lord. A priest who couldn't control or discipline his own sons; Eli, who displeased the Lord by letting his sons have a loose rein on their actions and their sacrilege (we'll get to that in the next couple of chapters). 

This speaks to me, because while I live to serve God, I fall too often into my own faults, failures, and foibles. I look at my kids and think: How can they live Holy Spirit-filled lives when they are on the sharp end of my tongue so often, when they so often have to live with the results of my failures in patience, in love, and in attitude?

Look at Samuel and how God used him. What a powerful example of a consecrated, set-apart servant of God, and yet... in his formative years, he ministered before the Lord under Eli the priest.

This, y'all, is what the Holy Spirit does. He fills up cracked, imperfect, chipped, and broken vessels with His all-surpassing power -- He takes what is weak, and He makes strong. He takes what is badly broken, and He restores completely.

All He requires is willingness to lay our gifts on the altar. Without grudging. In consecration. In victory!

How can I be a Hannah today? Am I willing? Are you?