Beacons of Faith

Okay, some nights -- when I go back to pray with my kids as they're lying in their beds with freshly brushed teeth and sleepy-looking eyelids -- I have to really talk myself into it. The couch is comfortable, the day has been a rat-race, and I am so, sooo tempted to mutter, in the words of Scarlett O'Hara from Gone with the Wind: "I'll think about it tomorrow."

But I usually make myself go (or sometimes my husband goes, because we believe it's important for both parents, if possible, to play a role in the spiritual development of our children). In the spirit of full disclosure, some nights it remains a struggle; the kids are grumpy or distracted or whiny... and I feel like I've just played a game of chess that ends in a stalemate by the time I wander back to the living room.

And some nights, we have the best conversations, the ones that give me the most hope, the ones that encourage me the most.

"Mommy," says my youngest on one such night, "when you pray, it sounds like you're talking to God like He's right there."

Do you have any idea how excited and thrilled I was to see the recognition of relationship in my child's eyes?

Do I sometimes pray rote prayers? Yep. Do I sometimes feel like I'm asking and asking and asking without receiving an answer? Yep. Do I doubt my discernment and my ability to understand what the Holy Spirit is telling me? Constantly.

But, y'all... "He's right there!" Not within shouting distance! He's so close, He can hear the faintest whisper of your heart. Oh, praise Him!

Yesterday, if y'all read my blog post, you'll have seen my emphasis on seeking the Lord, and suddenly He shows up. It makes me laugh: I was praying about this blog: "Lord, it's been a couple of days and I still don't know what book you want me to dive into next." And because I tend to be just a teensy bit dramatic, I began to consider the possibility that if the Lord was silent, perhaps He wanted me to drop the blog posts altogether. Perhaps I should just bury myself in a corner and sulk.

And suddenly, He shows up. I had a Youtube preacher on in the background, but I had kind of tuned him out while I was doing other things (I know, it's terrible), but the preacher's voice suddenly threaded through my thoughts. "Turn with me to Romans." 

And it hit me like a lightning bolt: When I began this blog, I decided I would go through any book I felt like the Lord was leading me to, but I admit to dreading the idea of Romans. It's deeeeeeep. It has a lot of hard-to-understand language throughout. And it has Romans 9 in it. 

Let me tell you a backstory: When I was young, I attended a nondenominational Christian school from first grade through twelfth. By nondenominational, I mean there were about 49.9% Baptists who attended, 49.9% Presbyterians who attended, and .1% Mennonites attending (me, my brother, and about two other people from our youth group at church).

For some reason, the debate of "predestination" v. "freewill" became a pet discussion for just about every class in the school, and we could derail entire lessons if we could get the discussion started. Some teachers started outright banning any mention of it, because discussions became so heated. Some teachers participated and tried to moderate the debate -- which sometimes worked and sometimes didn't.

But the debate always centered around Romans 9:13: "As it is written, 'Jacob I loved, but Esau I hated," and 2 Peter 3:9: "I am not willing that any should perish, but that all should come to repentance."

And so I avoided Romans 9 for years. I read it, and then avoided it like the plague because I was scared of it.

I'm not scared of it now, but I'm still nervous about it. It has become a giant in my mind over the years, and I feel like little David standing on the slopes observing it as I try to decide how best to tackle it.

But here's an important distinction: Romans 9 is not a blasphemous enemy; it is a Holy Spirit-written word that, because I have avoided it so assiduously over the years, will teach me many things, if I will only listen.

So as I dive into Romans, I am going into it with the mindset that I have a lot to learn. I might make many mistakes along the way, but I'm so excited to soak up instruction. I quoted this verse the other day, but here we are again: Isaiah 50:4: "He wakens me morning by morning, wakens my ear to listen like one being instructed." 

Wake up, class! Let's dive into Romans. Let me just state this: There is so much in this book, that I'm not going to cover it all. It would take me another year to work through the book that way. I'm going to touch on highlights.

Paul is writing this letter to the believers in Rome before he ever meets them. He introduces himself to them as "Paul, a servant of Christ Jesus, called to be an apostle and set apart for the Gospel of God -- the Gospel He promised beforehand through His prophets in the Holy Scriptures regarding His Son, Who as to His human nature was a descendant of David, and Who through the Spirit of holiness, was declared with power to be the Son of God by His resurrection from the dead: Jesus Christ our Lord" (Romans 1:1-4). 

Whew! What a recommendation! Paul's credentials are backed by power! You know how sometimes people say: "You had one job!"... usually in frustration at a person's failure to do that job correctly, but this is not the case with Paul. He had one job: "Called to be an apostle and set apart for the Gospel of God." Sure, he made tents. But his calling transcended his tentmaking. 

Priscilla Shirer reminded me of the movie, The Lion King, recently where Simba gets caught in the middle of the elephant graveyard, surrounded by enemy hyenas. Simba tries to roar, but he's a small lion; his roar is more like a cute kitten whimper. And the hyenas laugh and laugh as they close in for the kill. Simba tries again, and suddenly, resounding off of every nook, cranny, hillside, and valley of the enemy's territory comes a deep, resounding roar... Mufasa has arrived. Simba's father has come!

The roar of the Father is behind you! Paul isn't bringing his own Gospel to the Roman believers; the roar of the Father comes through every word!

What a great reminder for me. I teach children their ABC's and 123's, but my calling transcends my teaching. 

Romans 1:9-10 confirms that Paul hasn't yet met the Roman believers, but it serves a dual purpose in showing them Paul's heart: "God, whom I serve with my whole heart in preaching the Gospel of His Son, is my witness how constantly I remember you in my prayers at all times; and I pray that now at last by God's will the way may be opened for me to come to you."

Whole-hearted pursuit. How I want to be known for serving God with my whole heart. How I want to be known for having such a relationship with my Father that I can talk to Him and listen to Him, because He's right there. 

Paul goes on: "I long to see you so that I may impart to you some spiritual gift to make you strong -- that is, that you and I may be mutually encouraged by each other's faith" (Romans 1:11-12).

Thinking back over the people I've met through the years, some faces stand out as being faithful, and those same people also hold the distinction of paving the way for my own faith by the manner in which they run their own races. To be clear, God Himself points the direction, but the unashamed testimony and examples of the faithful followers of Jesus act like glowing beacons that line that path.

Psalm 18:32, 36 says: "It is God who arms me with strength and makes my way perfect... You broaden the path beneath me so that my ankles do not turn." 

Over in Hebrews 12:1, the writer of that book reminds us: "Therefore, since we are surrounded by such a great cloud of witnesses, let us throw off everything that hinders and the sin that so easily entangles, and let us run with perseverance the race marked out for us."

How I want every obstacle pushed out of the way. Nothing held back. No fear of what people think, no internal doubts rising from my heart, no external pressures that distract me from Him.

Paul issues his thesis for the entire letter in Romans 1:16; it was one of my favorite and most motivating verses when I, as a teenager, still cared more about what other people thought than about what my Father thought: "I am not ashamed of the Gospel, because it is the power of God for the salvation of everyone who believes, first for the Jew and then for the Gentile.

I am not ashamed. I love that Paul introduces a concept a few verses before: The idea that unashamed faith is a gift of mutual encouragement for every person who believes. "I long to see you so that I may impart to you some spiritual gift to make you strong (don't discount the ability of spiritual gifts to strengthen faith) -- that is, that you and I may be mutually encouraged by each other's faith" (Romans 1:11-12).

Faith-filled Paul, who said, "God, whom I serve with my WHOLE heart..."
Faith-filled Paul, who said, "I am not ashamed of the Gospel..."
Faith-filled Paul, who is "called to be an apostle and set apart for the Gospel of Christ..."

That same faith-filled Paul is encouraged by the faith of no-name believers in Rome.

Do we ever put people of great faith on pedestals? Guilty. This is such a great reminder that no matter the status of our earthly tentmaking job, if the roar of the Father is behind us, we can be an unashamed witness to the world, as we pray at the bedsides of our children...

And our faith will be a beacon to whomever is watching.