SELF on the SHELF

I remember lining up in first grade to go out to recess. Unlike what my own classroom has done over the last year (Billy, come stand here, Sammy, you're next, and then Jane, and then Sally...), the teacher in my first grade classroom designated the line leader, and then the rest of us lined up by whoever got there first.

Which occasionally resulted in some tussles, because nobody wanted to be the last one out the door for recess, but inevitably, someone had to be. 

My brother and I went to a nondenominational Christian school that placed a heavy emphasis on Scripture memorization. Even in first grade, I was memorizing one or two verses a week (a gift that has continued to give back throughout my entire life, and one I wish I could have duplicated for my children; I ask them to memorize verses, but "Mom's" incentives aren't quite as inducing as the ever-effective report card).

So anyway, one week our verse was Matthew 20:16, which -- if you're not familiar -- is: "So the last will be first and the first will be last." 

And this is the verse that crowded into my mind while I went with my classmates to the front of the room to line up for recess. I had a pretty good place in line near the front, but since, you know, the last will be first and the first, last... I gave up my place in line to get in the back, exchanging places with the final person. 

So while I self-consciously exchanged places (and received a kind smile from my teacher, who I'm sure thought I was being very unselfish), I was thinking of that verse and how -- someday, I -- I, I, I, -- would be rewarded.

Augh! 

Which takes me right back to a conversation I had with my friend Timothy David Miller at the age of 18 -- where he voiced his frustration with the struggle of humility. He said words to this effect: "Just about the time you manage to get yourself out of the way and put Jesus first... you have this sense of job well done, which invokes pride, and pride is the opposite of humility, and you're right back where you started."

This was such a poignant statement and resonated so strongly with the struggle I've had for years, that I've never forgotten that conversation.

The last shall indeed be first and the first last, but what is my motive for getting in the back of the line?

So Paul starts out 1 Corinthians 2:10-16 with this: "The Spirit searches all things, even the deep things of God. For who among men knows the thoughts of a man except the man's spirit within him? In the same way no one knows the thoughts of God except the Spirit of God."

I knew my motives, but my teacher didn't. She rewarded me with a smile based on what she saw, but she couldn't see the plague of self that drove me backward in that line.

Paul goes on: "We have not received the spirit of the world (thank You, Jesus!), but the Spirit Who is from God, that we may understand what God has freely given us. This is what we speak, not in words taught us by human wisdom but in words taught by the Spirit, expressing spiritual truths in spiritual words."

Isn't it awesome that the Holy Spirit trumps our spirits? That when we clothe ourselves with Jesus, His Holy Spirit teaches us spiritual truth! When we put our spirits to death, His Spirit is the only life we know!

That, to me, is amazing! Without Him, I. Know. Nothing. Because why? Because "I resolved to know nothing while I was with you except Jesus Christ and Him crucified" -- the message of the cross, the stripped down Truth that the Holy Spirit teaches us when we take ourselves out of the equation.

What happens when we allow ourselves to stay in the equation? "The man without the Spirit does not accept the things that come from the Spirit of God, for they are foolishness to him, and he cannot understand them, because they are spiritually discerned."

We get dumb. Maybe that's not a politically correct term, but really, y'all -- when we cloud our judgment with our interpretation of Truth -- we cannot understand that Truth, because it's supposed to be spiritually discerned, not mentally discerned. Not emotionally discerned.

And that's where we get into trouble, isn't it? This morning, I was pouring out my heart to the Lord about a situation, and the Holy Spirit was leading me to verses in the Word to first, instruct me, and then second, to comfort me. Why did I need comforting? Because I was already closing out the spiritual discernment and replacing it with emotional discernment in that situation. I was telling the Holy Spirit what should be happening, because it "felt" right. 

And the Holy Spirit said -- first -- nope, and then when I flinched back, He comforted me by showing me spiritually discerned Truth, because that's what I was seeking in the first place -- I just didn't know it.

Which... just trips all my triggers (yep, I've got triggers; I think we all do). I wage war on what is right according to Scripture, because what is right sometimes seems... hard, or unfair, or biased, or...

But if you look at the bigger picture, at God's total and awesome and amazing die-in-our-place overwhelming love... we understand the sometimes difficult spiritually discerned Truth that gets us to that bigger picture perspective.

Paul ends the passage with this: "For who has known the mind of the Lord that he may instruct Him? (Can you imagine the gall? Instructing the Lord?!) But we have the mind of Christ."

For more on this, flip back with me to Mark 8. Jesus is talking with his disciples, teaching them that the Son of Man (clue: Jesus Himself) will suffer, be rejected, and then killed, and then -- after three days -- rise again. He's preaching the message of the cross before the cross even happened. He's just. that. good. :)

In Mark 8:32, it says: "[Jesus] spoke plainly (so... no parables. Cut and dry. This is what's going to happen, y'all. No filter.), and Peter took Him aside and began to rebuke Him." 

Who has known the mind of the Lord that he may instruct Him?

To note, this does not demote Peter in my own personal "ranking" of the Twelve. He still holds the position of my favorite disciple, because y'all...

I might have done that very same thing. I identify with Peter.

I can get my mind so centered on what is right IN MY OPINION, on what is emotionally or mentally discerned truth, that I forget that the Holy Spirit shows me spiritually discerned Truth that doesn't necessarily line up with my emotional or mental state.

What does Jesus tell Peter in response?

"Get behind me, Satan! You do not have in mind the things of God, but the things of men." 

OUCH!

When the Son of God calls you by the name of His adversary with whom He's been at war since time began... you know you messed up big-time. If I were Peter, I think I would have cried for months. 

The thing is, I think I am Peter sometimes... obviously not in the physical sense, but in the sense that I have -- occasionally -- taken Jesus aside, pointed to a Scripture or two (as Satan does to Jesus in the wilderness temptation of Matthew 4) -- and said, "Lord, look, You shouldn't..."

Y'all... OUCH! Holy Spirit, show every single one of us where we do that, and then, Lord... rebuke us so that we go cry for months.

I'm serious. We have got to put ourSELVES away. We have got to have the mind of Christ.

Jesus, in Mark 8:34-38, "called the crowd to Him along with His disciples (this would include the shell-shocked disciple He'd just called by the name of His adversary) and said: "If anyone would come after Me, he must deny himself and take up his cross and follow Me. For whoever wants to save his life will lose it, but whoever loses his life for Me and for the gospel will save it. What good is it for a man to gain the whole world... yet forfeit his soul? Or what can a man give in exchange for his soul? If anyone is ashamed of Me and My words in this adulterous and sinful generation, the Son of Man will be ashamed of him when He [Jesus] comes in His Father's glory with the holy angels."

Do we think living spiritually discerned Truth is going to be easy? Have we somehow tricked ourselves out into thinking that doing the things Jesus asks us to do, living the holy life He requires of His followers -- a life where SELF is on the SHELF and we live according to the SPIRIT like we actually HEAR IT (yes, I did just rhyme that on purpose) -- do we think that living that holy life is going to be a cakewalk? 

Do we get everything we want, because it "feels good"?
Do we get to do things because "it's fair"?
Do we get to live a certain way because "Jesus wants us to be happy"? Because "that's who I am, really"?

Here's what Jesus said: "If anyone would come after Me, he must deny himself, take up his cross, and follow Me."

Does this mean to be a Christ-follower, I have to live an unhappy life?

No. But the rich, fulfilling joy that comes from following the Lord -- is a result of what happens when SELF is on the SHELF and we live according to the SPIRIT like we HEAR IT.