Giving Up Our Rights

While I haven't had the opportunity to spend lots of time in other cultures, I've had a few experiences that have served to illuminate the fact that, hey... America is not all there is -- an obvious point, and most of us know it. But given the size of our country and its situation (only bordered by two other countries, one of which is culturally similar to us), we as Americans tend to think that what we have... is all there is. (If this doesn't apply to you, good for you, but I do think this viewpoint covers a large swath of our culture).

I have some examples of how this mindset affected me: When my husband and I flew to Rome, Italy, we visited all the major tourist spots that we could cram into the day or two that we were there: the Colosseum, the Vatican and the Sistine Chapel, the Trevi Fountain, the Catacombs, the Roman Forum, etc. We were there in late April, and the city was swarming with other tourists, which -- unfortunately -- meant long lines in many places, and in particular, the Vatican. I was bound and determined to see the Sistine Chapel for myself before we left, or I think my husband would have given up trying to get in.

See, lines aren't necessarily lines in the Italian culture. They're... groups. The Vatican closed at 4:30 p.m. the day we were there, and we had arrived in the area around 1:30. We got immediately into the line... which was several blocks long at that point, and instead of moving forward in a semi-orderly fashion as we've done all our lives in the U.S., we found that we were bypassed and nudged aside if we gave ground at all.

It drove us both crazy, especially my husband who has a well-developed sense of sharing equally, and of waiting in an orderly and mannerly fashion. So, in order to see the Sistine Chapel, we had to adjust our cultural expectations of what it meant to wait in line and become like this new culture in which we found ourselves -- that is, where there was an empty space anywhere on the sidewalk, we had to fill it, whether it was our turn or not. 

We slipped into the Vatican with five minutes to spare after three hours of fighting the good fight. It was exhausting... and a good lesson for us that not everyone in the world waits in line in the same way. We had to give up the way we knew and adjust (quickly) to a new way that wasn't as comfortable for us.

Another example of cultural differences we had to learn: During that same trip to Italy, we went with my parents down to Sicily where they had been missionaries many years before, and we accompanied them to the homes of some of their friends in Altofonte, the town where they'd lived. 

I happened to be pregnant with my oldest at the time, and was still battling morning sickness and nausea, and a lot of food made me sick. When we entered one of the homes, neither my husband or I were hungry, but our hostess immediately began putting together a tray of refreshments. While the initial chitchat was happening (none of which I understood, since it was in Italian), my mom explained to me quietly that while I was pregnant and sick, it would be all right for me to refuse the refreshments the woman was bringing out to show us hospitality, but that my husband wouldn't be free to refuse. To reject this woman's hospitality would be, in this culture, to reject her.

This was such a novel concept to us. Where we live here in the U.S., if a hostess says: "Can I get you anything?" and you say, "Nothing, thanks, I'm fine," conversation continues, everyone moves on, and that's that. In that culture, though I'm sure the woman would have been too polite to say anything, that refusal of hospitality would have caused a rift in fellowship.

The differences between collectivistic and individualistic cultures sometimes seem like night and day, and those on one side can't quite understand those on the other, and vice versa. We may look at that example of not being able to refuse food and think -- well, that's ridiculous, I wasn't offending her, I just wasn't hungry. But in my example here, the focus -- with that mindset -- is centered on what I think, and less on what is important to my hostess.

In the U.S., we like to stand on our rights, don't we? The culture wars that are currently happening across our country are a stellar example of what happens when personal "rights" are threatened. How many headlines have I read in the last few months alone about how someone got shot or punched or threatened because they dared to ask someone else to wear a mask? How many conversations have I seen on social media discussing "rights" in regard to vaccinations, etc? 

In 1 Corinthians 10:14-33, Paul continues on with discussion of how believers handle the issue of food sacrificed to idols. While that particular framing is not necessarily relevant to us today, the issue of "rights" is. On one side, in this context, we have people who believe its wrong to eat food sacrificed to idols and on the other, we have people who are free in Christ, because idols are nothing. When the two groups clashed in the Corinthian church, people on both sides of the issue pointed at each other, flying their "rights" flags for all to see. "Well, I should be able to..."

Paul says: "Everything is permissible -- but not everything is beneficial. Everything is permissible -- but not everything is constructive. Nobody should seek his own good, but the good of others" (1 Corinthians 10:23). He continues on in 1 Corinthians 10:31-33: "So whether you eat or drink or whatever you do, do it all for the glory of God. Do not cause anyone to stumble, whether Jews, Greeks, or the church of God -- even as I try to please everybody in every way. For I am not seeking my own good but the good of many, so that they may be saved."

Paul's not talking about compromising his convictions in order to get along with everyone else, but he is talking about the end-goal here. He's talking about putting his own "rights" aside in order to preach the gospel, in order to show the gospel.

In Romans 14, Paul calls his "rights" stumbling blocks. "Therefore let us stop passing judgment on one another. Instead, make up your mind not to put any stumbling block or obstacle in your brother's way" (Romans 14:13). He follows it up with this: "Let us therefore make every effort to do what leads to peace and to mutual edification. Do not destroy the work of God for the sake of food (of all things). All food is clean, but it is wrong for a man to eat anything that causes someone else to stumble. It is better not to eat meat or drink wine or to do anything else that will cause your brother to fall. So whatever you believe about these things, keep between yourself and God. Blessed is the man who does not condemn himself by what he approves" (Romans 14:19-22).

There's a quote floating around, often attributed to St. Francis of Assisi (but the authorization has been challenged): "Preach the gospel at all times. Use words if necessary." Regardless of who said this, it falls right in line with James' passage on faith with deeds. "Show me your faith without deeds, and I will show you my faith by what I do.... You foolish man, do you want evidence that faith without deeds is useless? Was not our ancestor Abraham considered righteous for what he did when he offered his son Isaac on the altar? You see that his faith and his actions were working together, and his faith was made complete by what he did" (James 2:18, 20-22).

Preach the gospel! Use words if necessary. 

It was really a special moment in Rome when, after a thoroughly exhausting day of sightseeing, we boarded the bus to travel back to our place where we were staying. It was outside the city limits and quite a lengthy trip, and the bus was packed. I was pregnant and wilting, and while the bus had clearly-marked "maternity" seating, the seats were taken up by men. 

I have to admit (and I'm a bit ashamed of this), I fought a mental battle with my "rights" for a good portion of the bus trip. I was pregnant, and I couldn't sit in chairs meant for pregnant women, because some guys were taking up my clearly-marked and rightful spot. So I clung to one of the poles on the bus and looked out the window and tried to ignore them. But I was throwing a little internal temper tantrum that featured the word "I" an awful lot.

After a little bit, an elderly woman -- a stereotypical Italian nonna, who was sitting in the back of the bus next to a window -- tapped the shoulder of the person next to her and excused her way out into the aisle. In Italian (my mom translated for me), she told me with a smile to go sit in her seat. Per favore, she said, and I understood that. Please. 

I started to protest, but Mom gave me the same look she'd given me when she'd talked to me about accepting hostess offerings: Just say yes, and thank you.

We traveled several more stops with the old woman taking my place at the pole on the bus. She was stooped and bent. She carried some extra weight on her frame, and I remember assessing her wrinkled fingers twisted with arthritis, as well as her thick ankles and thick-soled shoes.

I felt extremely small and insignificant in my seat she had just vacated. She needed it more than I did. My "rights" should not have infringed on hers.

She did not "seek her own good, but the good of others." And I didn't, and I will always be ashamed of my heart condition in that moment.

A few more stops, and she got off at her destination -- and I tucked away the wisdom of what I'd just seen. 

Rights are important. But when one person's rights infringe on another's... we should take every precaution that our choice in how we act (because we do have a choice) points to Christ. I saw much more of Christ in that elderly woman's choice than I saw in my own attitude. Whatever the language barrier, she showed me the Gospel that day...

And that lesson has stayed with me ever since.