Enduring the Shaking

I was kinda beat up yesterday, spiritually speaking. I don't even really know how to explain what was in my head, but by early afternoon, I was curled up on my bed in a ball, defensive and deeply troubled. I was praying, but the words that came seemed to issue from my mouth and drop to the sheets and went nowhere. Now, I know that's not true; God hears, no matter what, but I was under a thick cloud of spiritual oppression.

I'd love to have a victorious story where I rose off that bed in the power of the Lord, and the oppression and darkness fell away... but that's not really what happened. What DID happen was a slow, deep sense of comfort that moved into my heart over the course of the whole evening. It began small, just a trickle, then painstakingly spilled over into every crevice and corner of my weary, sorrowful heart, and brought with it... peace.

But it didn't happen at once. This morning, as I was praying about what happened yesterday, I asked the Lord: Jesus, why did you let that happen? Do you not promise to walk with us in the valleys? Why did I feel so alone yesterday?

I'll sum up what I sensed Him saying in return: "You weren't alone; I was there every step of the way. But I wanted to show you that just as you lay in that bed and wondered where I was, so it is with my church, my flock. I'm there; I'm with you in the pasture, and some days, the sun shines on that pasture, and you see Me clearly, and some days, it's stormy and dark and rainy, and you close your eyes against the lashing winds. But I am always there; I never leave you, nor do I forsake you. I am the gate for the sheep; the wolves can't get in unless I step aside, and I'm not going to step aside."

In my quiet times, I often picture myself coming into my "prayer room" with Jesus, which is a place where we sit across a table from each other and talk. I know this is my own manipulation, but it helps me to be able to picture this, and I think Jesus allows it.

So this morning, I was sitting at that table and in front of me, I saw a map of the world, or at least, I thought it was of the world, but it didn't look quite right. The Lord tapped the land mass near the top. Australia, He said, then he moved to another land mass near the top: Antarctica. And I realized, oh, I was looking at the map upside down from what I've always looked at it before, so it appeared as an entirely different world to me.

But it wasn't; it was the same world, but a very different perspective. Here I understood the Lord was telling me to change how I viewed things. I'm asking for clarity as I pray, asking for refinement of my thoughts and my heart, asking that I will see through His lens.

While I watched, the four corners of the map were caught up and brought together, so that the map hung almost like a bag beneath it. I could still see the continents inside the bag, and on the continents, I could see people, Christians, hanging on for dear life as the map tilted beneath them. The map/bag shook a little, like someone trying to shake off an ant from clothing, and the people fell. But when they fell, they dropped directly into the hands of the Lord, who held them so tenderly and safely and rock-solid. And - weirdly for the picture - I felt even more secure because of what happened. God has us, His church, His people, His flock.

This was quite uncomfortable, honestly. But it served as a powerful message to me: Yes, Jesus is our foundation, Yes, He holds us safely, in protection, but I think this was again the Lord saying: Get uncomfortable. Get off your seat! The Lord is shaking us up to bring His plan into action.

Again and always, I pray that the Lord takes these thoughts of mine and refines them. I am not a gospel-writer, so I am well aware that my own experiences, perspectives, and thoughts tint everything I say here unless it is direct Scripture, so I pray that God uses what He wants to use for His purposes and discards the rest.

In line with this, I read Acts 10 and 11 today, which was the story of Cornelius the Gentile and Peter the Jew, and the coming together of the Jews and Gentiles in the faith. It struck again me how very specific God is in orchestrating His plan. Similar to what I was reading the other day about Ananias and Saul, God showed a vision to Cornelius, which instigated his action of sending men to find Peter in Joppa. At the same time, God showed Peter a vision, which instigated Peter's acceptance of Cornelius's invitation, and a huge shift in church planting happened as a result of this careful, specific thing the Lord did. The other day, I read about how the Lord showed Paul a vision of a man named Ananias coming to pray for him. On the other end, He showed Ananias an angelic visitor, who told him to go pray for Saul. This instigated a huge shift in evangelism, as Saul, also called Paul, was a primary leader and mover and shaker in the early church.

When there is a huge shift in what God wants to do, He orchestrates it specifically and carefully and without ambiguity. He clears the way, too! When Peter faced criticism for his preaching to Gentiles, he explained what he'd heard and seen from the Lord, and "When [the apostles and brothers throughout Judea] heard this, they had no further objections and praised God, saying, 'So then, God has granted the Gentiles repentance unto life.'" I was super impressed with this, because these guys were lifelong adherents to the concept that the faith was for Jews only. It was entrenched, etched in their hearts from birth on up. But God cleared the obstacles, and they praised God! I pray that I will be the same, that I will praise God when I see Him moving, even if everything in me says, "Say, what? That's never happened before..."

All of this astounds me. I love seeing His hand clearly at work!

So, to quote the Princess Bride, as one must do in every possible conversation: "Let me explain. No, there is too much. Let me sum up..." I'm praying for a shaking of the church, but in that shaking, absolute security in knowing that we are so very safe in His hands. I'm praying that our foundation will not be rooted in this land or in military might or in our political leaders, but in the word of God. I'm praying for a specific and carefully orchestrated move of God that is so very clear to all who truly see and seek the Lord.

I'm praying for continued protection for each follower of Christ as we step forward in our various callings. We're wading through a spiritual battle increasing in intensity, and I know we're being effective as we are faithful, which is drawing the attention of the enemy. I'm asking for a thick hedge of protection around us: "The Lord encamps around those who fear Him" (Psalm 34:7). Amen, may it be.